I can’t seem to pray this morning.
I can’t express my deepest longings.
Because some of those longings feel so selfish.
And some of those longings feel so impossible.
And some of those longings feel so tender, they would snag on any words meant to speak them.
I feel only contradictions right now God, (concern and numbness, hope and despair, greed and generosity, compassion and cynicism) and I fear they only cancel each other out so why say them at all.
So I hope that my unexpressed longings and hurts and hopes and inconsistencies are seen by you, felt by you, known by you without any words by me.
I cannot pray, I can only be still and know (or maybe just hope) that you are God - and that it is enough.
Some recent things I have loved:
This episode of Hidden Brain - on minimizing pain and maximizing joy
This new Pixar Movie - called “Soul” is gorgeously existential
This film adaptation of an August Wilson Play - Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom. Chadwick Boseman’s final performance, which includes a tirade with God, is devastating.
Thank to all the members of The Corners who hung out with my on Zoom New Year’s Day. It was lovely to see your faces!
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